A ping pong block.

The GDR payed 400 Million Mark to get their "wall against facism".

Plus sizes!

It's a watered down Manhattan.

The Spanish Inquisition.

Anne Frankly sick of them.

It was a shitzu.

Coffee.

Guess whos coming to town?

To use the Pokéstop.

I can't marmelade my dick down your throat.

He would spend all night long awake thinking about whether or not there was a dog.

Jews burn longer

The defendant

...they quickly hit it off and start dating. Unfortunately, the girl lobsters father is dead set against interspecies relationships and tells his daughter "If you keep seeing that crab boy, I'm cutting you off, no daughter of mine will be with a 'sideways walker', I will not stand for it." Upset, the girl lobster tells her crab boyfriend about her fathers feelings about 'sideways walkers', the boy crab in love with the girl lobster resolves that he will learn to walk forwards and backwards to prove his love and win her fathers blessing. He practices for weeks and finally overcomes his natural urge to walk sideways.

Ready to show his true loves father that love conquers all he arrived at the girl lobsters house. As he is making his way up the sidewalk, in a perfectly straight forward line he hears from inside the house "that does it Lola, (girl lobsters name apparently) that good for nothing crab is here, and he's already drunk."

You: hey, let's get to our chemistry class.

Them: what? But we don't have chemistry anymore.

You: Exactly.

In a high school civics class, they were discussing the qualifications for becoming President of the United States. The requirements are pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural born citizen and at least 35 years old.

A blonde girl in the class piped up and began complaining about how unfair it was to require the candidate to be a natural born citizen. In her opinion, that made it impossible for many qualified people to run for the office.

She went on and on, wrapping up her argument with "What makes a natural born citizen more qualified to be President than one born by C-Section?"

Because they hate french press.

Meh

Out of the darkness came an old hillbilly with a shotgun in one hand and a jug of moonshine in the other.

The hillbilly pushed the shotgun into the tourist's belly and shouted:

"Drink! Drink some!"

Fearing for his life, the tourist swallowed a mouthful, then coughed and spluttered and gasped, almost collapsing to the ground.

"Rough, ain't it?" said the hillbilly.

The tourist nodded in agreement

"Now," said the hillbilly, pushing the shotgun into the tourist's hands, "you hold the gun on me and I can drink some."