But it turned into a wrap.

3 drunk guys enterd a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination". The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said "Thank you". The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did. But then he asked "What was that for?". The 3rd guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"

"Im measuring your patience"

A visiting professor at Harvard University is giving a seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well that’s a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you’ve ever seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands.

"That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost? 15 students raise their hands. "That’s a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"

Three students raise their hands. "That’s fantastic. But let me ask you one question further.....Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?" One Arab student in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience." The student replies with a nod and a grin, and begins to make his way up to the podium. The professor says, "Well, tell us what it’s like to have sex with a ghost." The student replies, "Ghost? Damn..... From back there I thought you said ’goats’!"

JK. Rowling.

The black man

Maths teachers, they make everybody count.

This resumes the current setup at home, whenever I tell someone it sounds like I'm starting a joke... please help me finding a real joke to use.

One turns young people into horrible human beings and the other is jail.

Q. What is Russia's current Anthem?
A. "Putin on the Blitz"

They aren't falling for that one again.

I bought a pair of sneakers from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day. :(

Two fingers.

Three babies are in their mother's womb. One of them says, "I want to be an artist so everyone knows what it looks like in here." The next one says, "I want to be a swimmer because I get so much practice in here." The last baby says, "I'm going to be a hunter because if that snake comes in here and pokes me again, I'm going to chop that thing in half!”

finally.

hint: take the "S" out of "safe" and the "F" out of "way"

They begin talking and of course the black eyes come up. First man says " It's a funny story... I was going to buy my ticket and when i stepped up to the window, I saw the most beautiful blonde with the biggest rack I had ever seen. I got flustered and mixed my words up. I meant to say, I need one ticket to Pittsburgh. But what I actually said is, I need one picket to Tittsburgh. Then she punched me right in the face."

The second man laughed and said, " It was kinda the same thing with me.... My wife and I were sitting at the table this morning for breakfast and I meant to say, honey would you pass me the OJ. But what I actually said was, JESUS CHRIST, YOU RUINED MY LIFE YOU STUPID BITCH."

The city of Boston has a problem with crows. They are dying by the thousands and the roadways are littered with the carcasses. The problem is only getting worse. Massachusetts' Dept. of Environmental Protection just completed a study of the problem. The crows are being killed when they are struck by trucks, but they manage to avoid being hit by passenger cars. Since crows are scavengers they eat roadkill and are often in large groups on the roads. Being social animals, they are somewhat organized and one or two birds always serve as lookouts to warn the others of danger. The MDEP found that the problem is that although all the Bostonian crows can call out "cah!" none of them can call out "truck!"

One weak!

Zero, because jews aren't people.