Five years ago, my grandfather entered an underwater breath-holding competition with his friends.
He must have won, because we're still waiting for him to come back up.
He must have won, because we're still waiting for him to come back up.
They thought she was micromanaging them!
Saying that "We are trying to have a baby" is the only discreet way I can tell my mother-in-law that I had sex with her daughter 4 times last week.
"do you make fish cakes?"
"Yes we do" replies the fishmonger...
"Great" says the man, ït's his birthday"
"Yes we do" replies the fishmonger...
"Great" says the man, ït's his birthday"
Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car
A month before my grandfather died we had tried everything to cure him. We then heard you could try covering him head to toe in baby oil - after that he went downhill very quickly.
The plot was confusing... I didn't know whether to laugh or cry..
Husband and wife divorcing.
I the court judge ask husband:
- What is the reason for divorce?
- Unfortunately my wife and me have completely different interests : I interested only in women, and she interested only in men…
I the court judge ask husband:
- What is the reason for divorce?
- Unfortunately my wife and me have completely different interests : I interested only in women, and she interested only in men…
Q: If you were forced to go through one of the following doors, which door do you go through with 100 % certainty you'd stay alive: a door with a man with a gun behind it, a door with a tiger who hasn't eaten in 7 years behind it, or a door with an electrical chair behind it?
A: The one with the tiger behind it, because if it hasn't eaten in 7 years it's dead.
A: The one with the tiger behind it, because if it hasn't eaten in 7 years it's dead.
Cause I got to separate the whites and colors
Mom: "No, who?"
Daughter: "Ella, Ella Vader."
Daughter: "Ella, Ella Vader."
During. Because your plugged into a "know it all."
Two. One to screw in the bulb and the other to hold the penis... LADDER! I said ladder!
Nothing, Chris Brown doesn't want you getting involved in his personal life
(*pensively*):
Hmmm, I guess things are really getting serious between me and my girlfriend, uh, Cecilia, because I just added the song "Cecilia" to my favourites playlist.
(*lightheartedly*):
I mean, I don't even particularly like that song.
Hmmm, I guess things are really getting serious between me and my girlfriend, uh, Cecilia, because I just added the song "Cecilia" to my favourites playlist.
(*lightheartedly*):
I mean, I don't even particularly like that song.
Roberto
Because you can't spell sexy without xy.
Because the tomato sauce couldn't Ketchup.
Probably.
Jokes 7k stories
Make yourself happy and dive into the lighter mood by participating in the Jokes community.
Whether you’re having a bad day or enjoying the best time of your life, this community is the perfect place to be. Featuring funny posts and comments with great punchlines that will make you laugh-out-loud, this community is for all types of jokes ranging from text and images to video and audio jokes.
If you’re a comedian, this could also be your secret place to get new punchlines. Get involved right away by posting your first joke or comments.
Whether you’re having a bad day or enjoying the best time of your life, this community is the perfect place to be. Featuring funny posts and comments with great punchlines that will make you laugh-out-loud, this community is for all types of jokes ranging from text and images to video and audio jokes.
If you’re a comedian, this could also be your secret place to get new punchlines. Get involved right away by posting your first joke or comments.
diogenesjunior 
