How many psychics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

He came and went

Five says "You lucky devil, you."

Hiding the erection.

A dumb bass

I'll sea myself trout

A subwoofer.

or does Tom Brady look really deflated right now?

I couldn't put it down.

1. Refreshing the same fucking apps over and over
2. Winning arguments in my head that are already over
3. Starring into the fridge because I'm bored ...

Sweet Ohm Alabama.

Wall-E

that beeped every time a lie was told. After he bought it, he decided to try it out at dinner. After the meal was finished, the father asked his son, "Have you done your homework?", and the son said "A little", and the machine beeped. The boy said " Oh okay, I was over at some friends watching a movie". "What movie?" the father asked. "Toy Story". The machine beeped. "Oh okay, Fight Club". The father, obviously angry said "I never even watched a rated R film until I was an adult!". The machine beeped. And the mother said, "Well, he certainly is your son, Paul" and the machine beeped.

The Tooth Fairy!

I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer, however.

I think they’re reigning cats and dogs.

They saw a documentary about penguins and thought the continent was full of devout Islamic women.

God sees them and touched by their love sends down an Angel. The Angel waves his hand and the statues become alive. The angel says." God has granted you 30 minutes of life to do with what you will."

The two immediately run into the bushes where there is rustling and laughter. Fifteen minutes later they emerge holding hands and smiling.

The Angel says,"I don't mean to tell you what to do but you still have another fifteen minutes."

One lover looks at the other and exclaims, "Good! This time you hold down the pigeon and I'll shit on it's head!"

One evening, with his charge at full capacity, Micro Farad decided to get a cute coil to discharge him. He went to the Magnet Bar to pick up a chip called Millie Amp. He caught her out back trying self induction; fortunately, she had not damaged her solenoid. The two took off on his megacycle and rode across the Wheatstone Bridge into a magnetic field, next to a flowing current , to watch the sine waves.

Micro Farad was very much stimulated by Millie's characteristic curve. Being attractive himself, he soon had her field fully excited. He set her on the ground potential, raised his frequency, lowered her resistance, and pulled out his high voltage probe. When he inserted it in parallel, he short-circuited her shunt. Fully excited, Millie cried out, "ohm, ohm, give me mho". As he increased his tube to maximum output, her coil vibrated from the current flow. It did not take long for her shunt to reach maximum heat. Now with the excessive current shortening her shunt, Micro's capacity rapidly discharged – every electron was drained off. But that was not the end of it. Indeed, they fluxed all night, tried various connections and hookings until his bar magnet weakened, and he could no longer generate enough voltage to sustain his collapsing field. With his battery fully discharged, Micro was unable to excite his tickler, so they went home. A few weeks later, they were merged forever and oscillated happily ever after.

Too long for here, read comments.

the milk responded "im just a bit stirred up but ill be butter in a while"