A very mean principal needs more students to enroll in his private school. So he pulls his assistant aside and says '' if you don't get more students to enroll in the school you are fired!'' So the secretary gets 30 more students at the end of the week. The principal asked the secretary'' how did you get so many students?'' The secretary said'' easy I just started a rumor that you were leaving''
...And he agrees to do so. After a few hours, the painter rings the doorbell, and the man answers. He sees his work, and is completely furious. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!" yells the man. The painter replies, "I've finished painting. And by the way, it's not a Porsche, it's a ferrari."
This white guy gets William McKay tattooed on his Penis. He has a pretty good sized white penis so that every time he's erect, it spells WILLIAM McKAY but says WY when he's flaccid.
He goes to Jamaica and plays some pickup basketball with a bunch of Jamaican guys. After the game they are in the shower all naked with Dicks all shriveled and spots a Jamaican guy with "WY" Tattooed on his penis as well.
He walks up to Jamaican guy and says, "That's cool, I have "WY" tattoed on my dick and when i'm errect is says, 'WILLIAM McKAY' do you by any chance have 'WILLIAM McKAY' tattooed on your dick as well?"
Jamaican guy says no, when i'm erect, it says "WELCOME TO JAMAICA, HAVE A GREAT DAY"
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him.
St. Peter said, 'I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,' and he leaves.
The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple are still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn't work out; could you get a divorce in heaven. After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled.
'Yes,' he informs the couple, 'you can get married in Heaven.'
'Great!' said the couple, 'But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?'
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. 'What's wrong?' asked the frightened couple.
'OH, COME ON!', St. Peter shouted, 'It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer ?
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