Who's there?

*Doctor*

Doctor who?

*Actually, it's just "the doctor".*
Is that you coughin'?
Because they find the components of one's stomach very intestine.
So, I can get a Pikachu
What? Their names seemed cool at the time.
Three vampires go to a bar. First one orders a tall glass of blood. Second one orders a shot of blood and a blood on ice. Third one orders a mug of hot water. Upon hearing this second vampire exclaims: "You're a fucking vampire! What kind of a fag orders hot water?!"
Third vampire pulls out a bloody tampon from his pocket, and says: "I like to drink mine steeped."
the iTouch.

( lame but I made it up in class when I was like 15 lmfao)
Her dad asked me why I couldn't do the laundry by myself so I told him "it's a big load".
Because I slam.
Girlfriend: I didn't, I swear

Me: Oh come on, cough it up.
A dead bird.
A sick Bern.
Your dads cock tastes funny.
That's how old you'll be in 5 years.
...and the bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"

The grasshopper says, "You have a drink named Steve?"
He picks up and rubs the lamp, and a genie pops out to give him one wish.

**Genie**: Hello my friend, I am a genie that will grant you one wish

**Man**: Well, I've never been to Hawaii because I'm deathly afraid of flying. But I like to drive. I wish for a bridge and highway from LA to Hawaii.

**Genie**: Are you crazy! Do you know the logistics that would go into that? The mileage? The ocean is thousands of feet deep. You need to pick a wish that I can actually grant.

**Man**: Damn G you suck. Ok, I wish to be able to understand everything about women.

**Genie**: Do you want that bridge 1 lane or 2?
amuse me first...hahaha
It blows up and no one survives.
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let'shave a word with him."He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhousefrom a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."The group fell silent for a moment.The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say aspecial prayer for them tonight."The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact myophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
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