Jokes 3349 stories
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Whether you’re having a bad day or enjoying the best time of your life, this community is the perfect place to be. Featuring funny posts and comments with great punchlines that will make you laugh-out-loud, this community is for all types of jokes ranging from text and images to video and audio jokes.
If you’re a comedian, this could also be your secret place to get new punchlines. Get involved right away by posting your first joke or comments.
diogenesjunior 
Three vampires go to a bar. First one orders a tall glass of blood. Second one orders a shot of blood and a blood on ice. Third one orders a mug of hot water. Upon hearing this second vampire exclaims: "You're a fucking vampire! What kind of a fag orders hot water?!"
Third vampire pulls out a bloody tampon from his pocket, and says: "I like to drink mine steeped."
Third vampire pulls out a bloody tampon from his pocket, and says: "I like to drink mine steeped."
17
What kind of phone does a molester have?
Jokes 20 hours ago
by
Proud_Romanian
the iTouch.
( lame but I made it up in class when I was like 15 lmfao)
( lame but I made it up in class when I was like 15 lmfao)
Girlfriend: I didn't, I swear
Me: Oh come on, cough it up.
Me: Oh come on, cough it up.
16
Add 5 years onto your age
Jokes 1 day ago
by
interiorcrocodilealligator
That's how old you'll be in 5 years.
...and the bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"
The grasshopper says, "You have a drink named Steve?"
The grasshopper says, "You have a drink named Steve?"
17
He picks up and rubs the lamp, and a genie pops out to give him one wish.
**Genie**: Hello my friend, I am a genie that will grant you one wish
**Man**: Well, I've never been to Hawaii because I'm deathly afraid of flying. But I like to drive. I wish for a bridge and highway from LA to Hawaii.
**Genie**: Are you crazy! Do you know the logistics that would go into that? The mileage? The ocean is thousands of feet deep. You need to pick a wish that I can actually grant.
**Man**: Damn G you suck. Ok, I wish to be able to understand everything about women.
**Genie**: Do you want that bridge 1 lane or 2?
**Genie**: Hello my friend, I am a genie that will grant you one wish
**Man**: Well, I've never been to Hawaii because I'm deathly afraid of flying. But I like to drive. I wish for a bridge and highway from LA to Hawaii.
**Genie**: Are you crazy! Do you know the logistics that would go into that? The mileage? The ocean is thousands of feet deep. You need to pick a wish that I can actually grant.
**Man**: Damn G you suck. Ok, I wish to be able to understand everything about women.
**Genie**: Do you want that bridge 1 lane or 2?
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let'shave a word with him."He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhousefrom a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."The group fell silent for a moment.The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say aspecial prayer for them tonight."The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact myophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
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