An explorer in the jungle was captured by natives. The chief approached and said, "I'm going to give you a choice."

Immediately the explorer started stabbing himself with a fork and cramming blueberries up his ass. "Fuck your canoe!" he cried, "and I'm full of blueberries so there's no room for pineapples or unga-bunga!"

The chief smiled, and said, "I was going to ask what you want to eat, but I like the way you think."

Then they prepared a delicious feast of vegetables in wheelchairs, which they ate before it was cool.

... and my friend walked up to him and asked what he was doing with it.
He said "Well, this ain't no normal monkey, it's a trick monkey. Want to see a trick?"

"Sure" says my friend.

The man wound back and punched the monkey square in the face. The monkey went sliding down across the entire bar, hit the wall, sprang up and sprinted back to the man, unzipped his pants and started to give him a blowjob.

The monkey went at it for a good long while, but when the man finally finished, he turned to my friend and said "Well, what do you think about that? Want to give it a try?"

My friend, hesitant at first, replied "Well, sure... but do you have to punch me?"