Because they hate french press.

How do bored cows sound like?

JokesPosted by AfricaSmurf
Out of the darkness came an old hillbilly with a shotgun in one hand and a jug of moonshine in the other.

The hillbilly pushed the shotgun into the tourist's belly and shouted:

"Drink! Drink some!"

Fearing for his life, the tourist swallowed a mouthful, then coughed and spluttered and gasped, almost collapsing to the ground.

"Rough, ain't it?" said the hillbilly.

The tourist nodded in agreement

"Now," said the hillbilly, pushing the shotgun into the tourist's hands, "you hold the gun on me and I can drink some."
Because They Don't Want To Be Spotted
... motion denied.
I don't quite understand why Roald Dahl fans are rejoicing with some of his most famous made-up words, like "Oompa Loompa", being added to the Oxford Dictionary.

It's the little things, I guess.
And one night, one night they decide they don't like living in an asylum any more.
They decide they're going to escape! So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moon light... stretching away to freedom.
Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend did not dare make the leap. Y'see... Y'see, he's afraid of falling. So then, the first guy has an idea...
He says 'Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!' B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says 'Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!'
She comes with all of Ken's stuff.
On one rainy day, he was on the house yard and his owner shouts "Outside, inside now!"

The dog didn't know what to do and died.
It wasn't very impressive.
sorry I have hit my lowest with this one.
When it is ajar!

Nintendo, don't be a Valve

JokesPosted by ichbins
Make Luigi's Mansion 3!
She burnt her lips on the exhaust pipe

Two drunk guys

JokesPosted by redgracegrace
knock on the door of the local Nunnery.

Mother Superior comes out and one asks "Mother Superior, do you have any nuns that are midgets?"

She thinks and says "I know of no midget Nuns in the entire country."

The guy then says "Can we call the Vatican and ask if there are ANY midget nuns anywhere?"

Mother Superior agrees and they do.

The Vatican spokesman confirms - there are no midget nuns anywhere in the world.

The guy looks at his friend and says "See?! I told you that you were fucking a penguin..."
...he went in all buns glazing.
He kept getting in everyone's hair.
Ice melt it.
A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
... it could either be veal or below-knee.
Story XP
Story XP